And now a word about, actually make that a few words about how to act in
the gym. This is purely my opinion, but all the other 200-pound guys and fit
ladies that share the gym for more than New Years Resolutions will probably
agree. This stuff may seem humorous, but its all-true, and I seen each one
happen. Here is a list of things that could point you out as a newbie.
Funny Fitness #1 Don't stare at a dieting bodybuilder who is stuck on the treadmill. He doesnt
want to be there (he wants cake) and isnt in the most friendly mood. Even
though you may only be appreciating the body that he developed, he will probably
still bare harsh intentions toward you!
Funny Fitness #2 Dont stare at the fitness bunny on the treadmill either. If she cant kick
your butt, her dieting boyfriend on the treadmill next to her probably can.
Funny Fitness #3 Dont talk to people in the middle of their set. Like so, " Excuse me! Yes
you with 400 pounds on your back, do you have many sets left? Id like to do
my crunches right there!
Funny Fitness #4 If you can do an exercise in a space that doesnt require any gear, do it.
Dont do curls in the squat rack, leg raises on the bench press and dont sit
and talk on a bench when someone might need it.
Funny Fitness #5 Like the above, dont stand two inches from the dumbbell rack to do your laterals,
people need to get in and out of there to get at the weights.
Funny Fitness #6 Dont use half of the cable crossover to do one arm triceps pushdowns and the
like. The crossover machine is for chest and requires both halves. Use an
independent single pulley somewhere else.
Not Funny Cell phones: At least get off the bench for the conversation.
Funny Fitness #7 The weights have homes. They like their homes. When they dont go home, they
get angry and do mean things. All the little dumbbells go together and all
the big ones go together. So no 15s up by the 120s. The little plates have
homes also. See there was this one time during a personal training session
where I grabbed a 45 off the leg press. What I didnt see was that someone
had put a 25 in front of it instead of on its own peg. Off came the 45 in
my hands and down went the 25 on my foot. This is a great way to learn composure
if your interested.
Funny Fitness #8 If a book or shirt is on a bench, someone is trying to save it because they
are doing exercises back to back. These are called "super sets" and the guys
that do them are usually super big. It sure is awkward to be sitting there
picking your nose when bubba comes storming around the corner. Its such an
easy thing to wait a second to find out or to ask someone if they are done
on the equipment.
Funny Fitness #9 While its o.k. to use a couple of machines if its not peak hours, dont monopolize
the gear. You cant reserve a treadmill for an hour while you run back and
forth from the weights to the treadmill to do circuit training. Boy, this
one really ticks people off.
Funny Fitness #10 Watch out for I.L.S. Invisible Lat Syndrome. This is where even though there
is nothing under your shirt; it looks like your carrying around two beer kegs
under each arm. People are laughing at you.
Funny Fitness #11 Wipe your sweat off of the gear; no more needs to be said. Actually yes it
does, especially if Im going to be putting my face in there on the lying hamstring
curl. Wipe it off!
Funny Fitness #12 Change your gym clothes and don?t put them on after they have been fermenting
in your locker for a week. Strong in smell doesnt count!
Funny Fitness #13 For the manly, there is a new invention called "deodorant". It runs a close
second to something called the "shower". Check it out.
Funny Fitness #14 It is right and proper to ask someone for a spot on an exercise so you dont
hurt yourself. The only thing to keep in mind is that your requests dont interfere
with someone elses training pace or that you become a hindrance because your
always using a weight that is too heavy for you.
Like wise, dont ask the personal trainer for a spot while he is in the middle
of a session with someone else. At $50 an hour, your spot just cost someone
$2.50.
Very Funny Fitness #15 Ladies: No more pink thongs over black spandex, please! Dont throw
them away though because they may need extras if Miami Vice makes a come back.
Guys? Retire a shirt when it starts to walk on its own.
Gross Funny Fitness This is strange to me but I better mention it cause I seen it happen. Don?t
blow "farmer snots" on the gym floor. Really.
Funny Fitness #16 Dumbbell presses. If you bring your knees up on the last rep, you can put
the dumbbells on your knees with your arms straight and ride them until youre
in the upright position as you drop your knees. This way you wont have to
drop them from four feet causing a thunderous boom that scares the crap out
of everyone and bending the dumbbells so they look like 100-pound bananas.
Funny Fitness #17 For the guys, if your going to shave, comb your hair, brush your teeth or
whatever in front of the mirror, keep your cloths on. As comfortable as you
may be with yourself, we dont need someone we dont know selling hot dogs in
the locker room.
The showers are single purpose. If I see anything other than clear water running
around my feet, I'm going to freak.
Got A Fitness Funny? Send me an email! Ray@buildingbodies.ca
